Clever Gambling Puns
Check out our collection of funny gambling jokes. We are sure they will make you laugh. If you have any gambling jokes as good, upload them at the bottom of this page.
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A collection of short, funny jokes related to Gambling and Casinos!” Quick, Funny Jokes! Gambling, Casino Jokes Jokes on our Main.
1) I just bet £100 at the bookies that they would find Maddie, at 1000-1 odds. That way, if they ever do find her, I’ll be able to afford a fucking good lawyer.
Check out Really Funny Lawyer Jokes
- Shark puns overlap a little with the entries on dolphin puns, beach puns, water puns, and fish puns, so feel free to check out those articles for some related wordplay. Shark puns often centre around a few key topics: fins, jaws, names of species, and a few other shark-related topics.
- Top 100 pool and billiards maxims, sayings, and quotes in a wide range of categories including aiming, gambling, strategy, winning, excuses, and life.
2) Chuck-E-Cheese, because it’s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling.
3) My wife has left me because I am a compulsive gambler. I’d do anything to win her back.
4) Poker is like sex – everyone thinks they’re the best, but most people don’t have a clue what they’re doing. Dutch Boyd
Check out Really Funny Sex Jokes
5) What’s the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino? In a casino, you really mean it.
6) A blond girl playing freeroll was taking her time and playing very slow. The timer was started and she still could not take a decision how to play the hand. Her friend asked her with surprise, “What is going on? Why aren’t you playing?” The blond girl replied, “I am playing! I am just slow-playing aces!”
Check out some of the funniest Dumb Blonde Jokes ever
7) Why didn’t the elephant like to play cards in the jungle? Because there were too many cheetahs.
Clever Gambling Puns Funny
8) They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction. My money’s on Dave.
Check out Really Funny Money Jokes
9) What did the giraffe say to the tiger at the poker table? I thought you were a cheetah.
10) What’s the difference between a poker player and a dog? In about ten years, the dog quits whining.
Check out Really Funny Animal Jokes
11) Whats the difference between online poker and live poker? You can cry after a bad beat online and no one will laugh at you.
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12) Sign you might have a poker addiction: your kids are named check and raise.
13) I put a thousand pounds on a horse. The fucking thing collapsed.
Check out some of the best Horse Jokes ever published
14) Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards.
15) “I am looking for the book named ‘How to win easily and fast with poker.'” “Please check at the fantastic literature counter.”
16. Husband Comes Home After Gambling
I came home from the pub four hours late last night.
“Where the fuck have you been?” screamed my wife.
I said, “I’ve been playing poker with some blokes.”
“Playing poker with some blokes?” she repeated. “Well, you can pack your bags and go!”
“So can you,” I said. “This isn’t our house anymore.”
17. Professional Gambler Screws Everyone In The Bar
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, “Bartender, I’d like to buy the house a round of drinks.”
The bartender said, “That’s fine, but we’re in the middle of the Depression, so I’ll need to see some money first.”
The guy pulled out a huge wad of notes and set them on the bar. The bartender can’t believe what he’s seeing. “Where did you get all that money?” asked the bartender.
“I’m a professional gambler,” replied the man.
The bartender said, “There’s no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?”
“Well, I only bet on sure things,” said the guy.
“Like what?” asked the bartender.
“Well, for example, I’ll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye,” he said.
The bartender thought about it. “Okay,” he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. “Aw, you screwed me,” said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
“I’ll give you another chance. I’ll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye,” said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, “Well, I know you’re not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I’ll take that bet.” So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
“Aw, you screwed me again!” protested the bartender.
“That’s how I win so much money, bartender. I’ll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars,” said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, “Bartender, I’ll give you one last chance. I’ll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whisky bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop.”
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn’t even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. “Okay, you’re on,” he said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whisky bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, “Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!”
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, “That’s okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!”
Check out our awesome collection of Walks Into A Bar Jokes
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Related Links: 1. Gambling Jokes from Sickipedia.org 2. Gambling Jokes from Jokes4us.com
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Laugh at 47 really funny cat puns and jokes. We did our best to bring you only the best.
Table Of Contents
10 Best Cat Puns List
- What do cats like to read? Cat-alogues.
- What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain.
- What do you call a painting of a cat? A paw-trait.
- What kind of sports car does a cat drive? A Furrari.
- What do you call a cat that wears make up? Glamourpuss.
- What do you call a cat that gets anything it wants? Purrr-suasive.
- What do you call a cat that can’t stop licking itself? Purrr-verted.
- What do you get if you cross a cat with Father Christmas? Santa Claws!
- What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.
- What do you call a cat that can put together furniture from Ikea? An Assembly kit.
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11. Cat Scan Joke
Clever Gambling Puns List
One day a lady took a dingo to the veterinarian. The doctor looked at the dingo and shook his head.
“I’m sorry your dingo is dead.” said the doctor.
“How could you be so sure?” the lady asked him.
The doctor left the room and came back with The Labrador Retriever. It stood up on its hind legs and sniffed the dingo and shook its head. The doctor left the room again and came back with a cat. The cat also sniffed the dingo and shook its head. So the doctor said that the dingo was one hundred percent dead.
With the lady still in shock, the doctor handed the bill to the lady.
“Four hundred dollars! Why so much?!” the lady asked.
The doctor replied: “Because you had a lab report and a cat scan.”
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12. Funny Cat Joke About A Cop And The Eurasian Lynx
A cop stops a car with an elderly man. Upon asking for the man’s driver’s license, the cop sees the Eurasian Lynx sitting in the front seat.
“What are you doing with that dangerous animal? You should immediately take it to the zoo.” The cop says.
Elderly man assures the cop that he will go to the zoo immediately. After some thinking, the cop lets him go.
A week later, the same cop stops the same elderly man. Just like the week before, the Eurasian Lynx is sitting in the front seat. The only difference is that this time both the elderly man and the Eurasian Lynx are wearing sunglasses.
Clever Gambling Puns Examples
“What am I gonna do with you? I told you to take that dangerous animal to the zoo.” The cop says.
Elderly man replies: “I did just like you said. We had a good time at the zoo. Now we’re going to have good time at the beach.”
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13. Talking Cat In The Movie Theater
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a cat sitting next to him. He is surprised, so he wants to make sure that this really is a cat.
“Are you a cat?” the man asks.
“Yes.” the cat replies.
“What are you doing at the movies?” the man asks the cat.
The cat replies: “Well, I liked the book.”
More Funny Cat Jokes For Your Enjoyment
- What is a cat’s favorite color? Purrrple!
- What do you call a flying cat? I’m-paws-sible.
- When is a lion not a lion? When he turns into his cage!
- What did the cat say when he lost all his money? I’m paw!
- What did the alien say to the cat? Take me to your litter.
- Why don’t cats like online shopping? They prefer a cat-alogue.
- Do you want to hear a bad cat joke? Just kitten.
- How are tigers like sergeants in the army? They both wear stripes!
- Why are cats so good at video games? Because they have nine lives!
- What did the cat say when he lost his toys? You got to be kitten me.
Continue reading these awesome kitten jokes below
Clever Gambling Puns 2020
- Why was the cat sitting on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse!
- What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangeroo? A stripey jumper!
- What do you get if you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.
- What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar? A sourpuss!
- What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog? A terrified postman!
- How do you know when your cat’s done cleaning herself? She’s smoking a cigarette.
- Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
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The Rest Of Our Clever And Funny Cat Puns
- What do cats wear at night? Paw-jamas.
- What looks like half a cat? The other half.
- What is a cats favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
- What do you feed an invisible cat? Evaporated milk.
- What do you call a cat that does tricks? A magic kit.
- What is a French cat’s favorite pudding? Chocolate mousse.
- What time is it when ten cats chase a mouse? Ten after one.
- What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman? Frostbite.
- What do you call a cat that can address the media? A Press Kit.
- What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY.
- What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep? A stripey sweater!
- What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim? An octopuss.
- How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.
- Why did the cat join the Red Cross? Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!
- Why is the desert lion everyone’s favorite at Christmas? Because he has sandy claws!
- Did you know that cats designed the great pyramids of Giza? A: It was all drawn out on paw-pyrus.
- There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left? None, because they were copycats, kinda like this angry cat’s mirror reflection:
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